wow long time since i updated and this will probably be the last for awhile cause i dont like xanga much anymore.

well im just going to ramble about something for a while so just deal with it and if you dont care then stop reading

...im sorry i cant be the perfect person you want me to be. I try so hard just to please you and make you some way be part of my life, but that never seems to be enough. I agree i messed up with you and i hurt you badly, but hun you tore me apart too. We have had our equal shares of lying and hurting eachother. I dont understand why you put me through this sometimes, and you asked me how i lied to you. But you know i never once said yes i wanna be with you and blah whatever. i never told you that, i just said that i didnt know what i wanted.  When you asked me what was wrong yes in someways i knew what was wrong, but i wasnt going to tell you if i wasnt sure. Why would i wanna be with you if my whole heart wasnt into it, its just not right cause i believe that would hurt you more. I cant help who i like sometimes you just gotta take a risk. Yes i know i might be taking a big one here and i might be hurt. But that is my fault, let me make my mistake. Just accept me for me. When you can tell me all those things you did, you know it tares me apart, you know how to get to me. And congrats you did hun. Big time. Its unfair how i get treated like shit, after time and time again you told me" Meg dont worry, i will always be there i understand, i will be your friend, and im happy with what i have with you right now" maybe those arent words for words but you told me that. And it was all one big lie, cause look what you are doing to me now. So in the end we are both big ass liars. we try to please eachother and its hurting us both when it all comes down. You need to just be able to talk to me and tell me how you feel, like i have told you time and time again.Dont run to other people to tell them you hate me, tell me, let me hear it from you to my face. I want to always be there for you and always be one of the people you run too when things get tough. And i want you to feel the same way. I never intended to hurt you, because there was that whole month i wanted to be with you and you told me it was too hard. And i guess this time its too hard for me. So it all comes down to this, i want you to be part of my life, in some way, maybe not together right now, but i want you there. And if you cant do that, i want you to know that i am always here for you, and i am so sorry for every way i have hurt you. Maybe this wont mean anything to you, but now you know where i come from. I just want you to know that, no matter what you mean so much to me.

sorry, that just needed to come out, and you know who you are.

well spring break started out like shit, then me and chelsea went to ohio till monday. it was amazing. And now on this tuesday night i have nothing to do but eh oh well, today i needed to just think about alot.

so the rest of this week shall be amazing

but im done with this bullshit for awhile

<33

dang good thing i update this alot

  well basically nothing exciting has happened lately.

          things have kinda sucked all around, cause i think i am losing someone that i know i shouldnt. and it just sucks cause i want everything to be cool and us to be ok, but you cant always have that

last weekend.

  partied with kp bobby mitch des and johnny b. yes we went and saw harry potter YES. amazing haha. acted like lameasses the whole time, what else. then me mitch and bob and johnny went to wendys listened to some 36 mafia. BITCH WHAT. then spent the night and chel's it was nice. and yessss

  went on a field trip on wednesday

             sweet resturant, nice crepes. lol. sweet kids, vic, kitty, jen, jamie, jackie, kyle, sam, and alot of other cool kids.

today reality kinda set in. and i dont like it

 tomorrow romeo and juliet ballet in chicago, it should be swell. im excited..yea im lame and like ballets. SHUT UP haha

 sunday, i dont know yet so holla. yes. im black

            drivers ed starts tuesday. o god. im gonna kill myself, BUT johnny b is in my class so fuck yes!. haha

well im done

OUT.haha chelsea. good pop machines in the cafateria.

<3

i like your face, just a little

this weekend has blown..

  i hated every second of it...

            thank you so much for understanding...

 thunderstorms could never stop me...

<33

well lets see havent updated in awhile... sorry im lame

            new years...was great, we had a good old time at jens.

                    school..put it in one word..BLOWS.

                                tomorrow i can tell are gonna already be different.

  spent my weeked with tara, at some church thing. where we just slept the whole time.it was a good change.

       realized i still have presents to give to people for christmas... wow im a good friend

                                     kp grounded..makes life kinda lame.

                me and jen talked to tommy on the webcam thingy tonight. it was cool... talked to her brother. whcih was cool.

        got my new phone it was GRAND.

peace nigs

john..wow<3

<33

wow its almost next year. ew. it so crazy, lets all be chessy and say how fast this year has gone by, but my god it really has. its the reality setting in that christmas is over, only one sem. left, school is half way threw, and then its summer. whoa. i think im a little ahead of my self lol

umm so anyways. yeah im gonna probably be lame since i have nothing better to do and talk about how much i love all you kids loll

alright..soo...

chelsea, ,my karate partner in crime- wow almost 2 years knowing you and you are so amazing as a friend or a wife? yeah idk, for the fact that we have only gotten into like 3 fights, and they have all been over guys lame. but i still love you, i mean cause we go sky diving together, deep sea diving,  what could be more fun.

jenny, my loser-so basically you have been there for me since the day you were born..you know cause im older, we have shared so much with eachother. even though we have had our fights, and havent always agreed with eachother, i know i always will still have you there for me. and i could never thank you enough for that

sam, butterface- ahdhfjkhsajkfha BABY PHAT ghsjdhsajdhfjsadh JESUS.wow im proud to be your friend even if i cant understand half the stuff you say. this year we have grown really close. and im really glad i can share memories of everyone running outta your house at 2 in the morning in bras and shorts to make snowangels. somethings i can never forget  lol.

rachel, my lover-this year has been really weird not being able to hang out as much, but at football games, and of course the ghetto school plays at thug nation. which is still amazing, we both have had our share of boy with eachother, and you have always been there to help make it through.

meghan, basically my twin-1st grade. whoa lol im so amazed that even though we missed out talking all through middle school, we are cuddys for real again. you are such and amazing fun friend. for the fact that you let me dye your hair.. which in the end turned out ok? lol lets hope. we need to spend more time together. it will party.

sarah, cuddyyy!!- wow do i love you lol. you are such a great friend, i know walking into math class everyday that you can just sit there and listen to my problems. but in the end boys suck BAD! lol we need to hang out more out side of school, cause man sams party and bumping lol, even if you had smelly feet. lol

jackie, jackie?lol- wow your wierd..lol you are a party in yourself lol. i mean you have sweet moshing skills, umm you have batman underwear, we run down the streets together in retarded outfits. even if french class sucks, thats where i really started talking to you which is AMAZing? yes. ilove you

julian, my love-man o man am i happy i met you. you are what brings out the 80's side of everyone. you are so much fun to be around, and you always find the right things to say, when i am upset. from the first time hanging out with you till today it has been an adventure, but im so glad i get to spend every school day with you!

mike,my greenday loving friend-hmm the kid i met off xanga, found out we went to school together and its been a party from there. you are the kid i know who will always listen to me, and be there when i have no one else. in probably 3 months, we have both been through alot more drama then i have had in 2 years. but in the end its really turned out great for both of us. im really glad we are cuddys fo sho.

 brett, nigger lol-wow um yeah so after sitting next to you in american cit for half the year we grew really close, i mean we drew pictures for eachother. it was nice lol, and now we are at the point where i can tell you your boobs ar saggy cause what are friends for. lol

zak, sexy lesli- o man i know this year has changed us all. from a time where we didnt talk at all till now, where things are going back to how they where. you are a great guy, and we have shared alot of good time that i will never forget. if its from getting drunk at my house, to walking home with you in 10 degree weather, to scaring the shit out of you on your birthday, its been some good times cuddy.

john,wow- for only knowing you for almost two weeks.i am so happy i met you and you are such an amazing guy. and wouldnt know where i would be without you at this point. im so happy im with you.

ok im done being lame

ill put pictures up later.

   <33